Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I want my daddy!
Why can't life be simple. I need a break. Is it that hard to fathom that I need some time to myself. Let's start with: I am a good mother, I took care of so many children and did a great job of it.....Here comes the fun part..... I can't seem to figure out what is going on with one of my children. One is like they are supposed to be, but the other...is another story... The problem is that I am not on the same page, but want to be. He pushes every button that there possibly can be and does it only to me... He is great with everyone else... I feel like the worst mom in the world because I can't figure out how to deal with it. I am trying, but nothing seems to be working. I am not cracking through the lining. I honestly feel like giving up. Maybe I should run away, but my bullishness as a Taurus and as a good mom will never deter me. What do I do? Do any parents feel like this. Parenting is much harder than teaching... any day... I was a childcare person for many years, but I gave the kids back... This is harder, because these are your own children you love from the depths of our soul and they know it and they will push your buttons more than any other person in your life. I am not talking about a little bit of childish rebel, but of constant moments that keep persisting and don't show an end... I am at my wit's end.................
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I don't know if this will make any sense, but it helps me to remember when my daughters were tiny; whenever I would leave them w/ a sitter for a while, they would fall apart when I came back. With preschool, it was the same way. I was so insulted by this "bad behavior" especially because the caregiver would usually say, "and she was so good the whole time you were gone!" I read a lot of child rearing books around that time, and they all insisted that if it seemed like my children were saving their worst behavior for me, it was only because they felt safe and trusted me. When they are anxious and scared and stressed, etc. with other people, they may act polite, or internalize these feelings, then when they finally see mama, they let loose. Kind of a back-handed compliment, and small consolation when our teens tell us to f-ourselves, but I think it might be true that they feel safe to fall apart with us. Hang in there:)
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